Handle with Care

I was sitting at the table writing in my journal. All I needed to finish my literary masterpiece was a picture to go with the story of my day. I was young, maybe 8 or 9 and my mum stopped what she was doing and became my illustrator. She drew exactly what I wanted. It was only a simple picture, but I marveled at her skill "Is there anything she can't do?" I wondered in amazement as I relished in the moment she so willingly gave me. 

Sometimes I wonder if my children really feel loved. We talk often of love and exchange affections, but do they know deep down? Do I really show them with my actions that I absolutely mean the words I speak?  

A few months ago Jasmin said to me, "Sometimes you are a mean mummy, but mostly, you are just a lovely mother". I laughed at her innocence, and was glad that to her 5 year old self, I was mostly lovely. But since then, I have thought deeply about the occasional 'mean mum'.

I saw this picture about a year ago as I was frantically preparing to leave Australia. Chad was already overseas and my memory of those days are now a blur of wrangling raising children, filling out forms, and getting horrid immunisations every other week (so we could survive the environment of our pending new home).
 
When I saw the picture, it literally stopped me in my tracks. Handle them with care. The words that came to my mind, and have now, many times returned.

I need to be those hands that gently cradle my children and lift them up. That doesn't mean children are given free range, with no consequences. It just means they are handled with care. Nurtured and loved even in difficult moments.

While I think children can be far more resilient than we give them credit for sometimes, I also believe they are such fragile little beings. As a mother, they rely on me for so much and while I thrive knowing that I hold this sacred role, sometimes I worry. Is what I do enough? Am I kind enough? Do they know just how much I adore them? When was the last time I lay in bed with xx and chatted and made them relish in that moment that I so willingly gave them?

Sometimes, after asking different children over and over to get their jobs done kindly, I am not so kind. While I am very very careful with the words I use, it is the tone, and yes, the raised voice - almost yelling - but not quite. In times like this, I am reminded of those words "sometimes you are a mean mummy'. From the mouth of babes.

I only have a few goals this year. One of them is to speak with a calm voice (keep calm and carry on if you will) and to be gentle with my children. I am hyper aware that I set the tone in the home and I need to be the 'calm in the storm'. Not the storm itself!

I've always known that these little souls entrusted to me, need to be handled with care. But as I watch them grow right before my eyes, the fact that I cannot protect them from everything is becoming very apparent. Am I buoying them up enough for what they face outside our home? Will they bounce back from hurt because they know who they are, and how loved they are?

We all have moments where we make mistakes as parents, as people. But the most important part of that process, is what we do once the mistake has been made. How we reconcile, and recommit. And most importantly, looking at those little people and telling them genuinely we are sorry (but please next time, when I ask you kindly, just do it the first time :)!

Where your Heart Is

A few months ago, I went for the first time with a group of women into what is known as a trash picker community to help with a preschool class for the children that live there. I've seen small clips of communities like this in the Philippines and on a much larger scale, I've seen pictures of trash city in Cairo, but to walk into one myself, to watch toddlers play in and around bags and bags of repugnant rubbish is an eye opening experience to say the least.

 

On arrival, we walked through the small kampung (village) and smiled and greeted everyone we saw. Salamat Pagi. Apa kabar? The answer is always, Pagi. Baik. Good Morning. How are you? Morning. I'm fine.

Similar to other experiences I have now had, I mask how I really feel by my surroundings and interact with the people and the environment without hesitation. While my natural instincts tell me to grab the children away from the rubbish and to cover my senses from absorbing the smell and the smoke from burning rubbish, this is the life the people here live everyday. And they smile and welcome us into it.

We made our way to the back of the village to a large dilapidated undercover area. The floor is the earth with remnants of rubbish embedded into it. A large blue tarp is rolled out to cover the dirt and with that, our classroom, and the reason we have come is ready.

There were about 30 children there. We sang songs and played games. We hand out laminated cards that have the alphabet and numbers on them and the children practice writing. We count to 10 and sing the alphabet. I learn that the children have only been writing for a couple of months and I am amazed at how well some of them do. All they needed was the opportunity.

Two of the little boys I was sitting with share a sock which acts as a rubber for the laminated page. When one of the boys takes the sock off the other, instead of fighting, they laugh a little and squish in closer and use one end each. My heart smiles at their kindness and their innocence. There is no entitlement found here.

I sit with one little girl and almost squeeze her, multiple times. I guess she is somewhere between two and three, but she looks more like she's about 18months. We play a game and she throws her head back in adorable giggles every time she 'wins'. She rests her little hand on my leg and moves in closer to me. Squeeze!

We sing London bridge and have the children run through the tunnel (adults holding hands arched above the children). At one point we put our arms down and trap the children and their squeals of delight are musical. It is a crystal clear moment and I am hyper aware of the fact that all children are really the same. They delight in love and attention from adults that care for them, and thrive in that environment. The only real differences between these children and my own, are the opportunities given them.  

Despite their surroundings, they run around and play. Seemingly happy in their environment. They know nothing else.

On the way home I sit in my car and try to process the life these little children are growing up in. Some of them will go to school. At least for a while. But what does the future hold for them? For their children? There are good things happening in this community, but I imagine that for many of the children there, life may remain the same for a long, long time.

And with that, I commit to going back every week and seeing their little faces again.

Half the Sky

In general, my blog is not a platform for which I share political views, global issues, or controversial articles and ideas that may or may not interest me. It is generally a happy place where I share thoughts and pictures, bits and pieces of life as we live it.

But deep down, whether people talk about issues that affect them or not, I believe we all have things we are deeply passionate about. For me, one of those issues is the mistreatment of girls and women around our globe. To be clear, I'm not talking about cultural differences and misunderstandings (or ignorance for that matter). I'm talking about the horrific way millions of girls and women live every.single.day of their lives. Something that most of us reading this, will never truly comprehend.

About 6 months ago, my sister'n'law Leah, recommended I read the book, "Half the Sky, How to Change the World" by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. Since devouring the book, much of my thoughts have been consumed with the contents of its pages and I believe that everyone, Everyone, should read this book. It's not an easy book to read at times, but the old adage "Education is the key to change" rings true through each of its pages. If we aren't aware of the issues out there, how can we be apart of the movement that causes change?

Today is International Day of the Girl Child and in honor of that, I would like to share with you a book review of Half the Sky written by Leah. Leah is a brilliant writer and activist in her own right and I am thrilled that she has written a review of this eye opening, inspiring book for us to read here!

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“In the nineteenth century, the central moral challenge was slavery. In the twentieth century, it was the battle against totalitarianism. We believe that in this century the paramount moral challenge will be the struggle for gender equality around the world.” 

― Nicholas D. Kristof, Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide.


After reading Half the Sky I am convinced that husband and wife writers Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn are correct: the central struggle of this century is for greater gender equality. There is something truly broken in our society, and unfortunately women and girls are bearing the brunt of this brokenness. Here are a few facts from the book. When you read them, really think about these numbers:
 
* In many communities around the world, girls are seen as less valuable than boys. As a result, an
   estimated 60 million girls are “missing” from various populations due to the selective abortion of
   female fetuses and the mistreatment and neglect of female children.
* The typical age of entry into prostitution is 13 to 14 and almost 33% of women got started in
   prostitution through family members or friends.
* 90% of girls and women over the age of three were sexually abused in parts of Liberia during the
   civil war.
* In the United States, a woman is abused, usually by her husband or partner, every 15 seconds and
   is raped every 90 seconds.
* One year of female schooling reduces fertility by 10 percent and a child born to a woman who can
   read is 50% more likely to survive past age 5.
* More than one million children are left motherless every year due to their mother’s death and these
   children are 3 to 10 times more likely to die within two years.
* Up to 2 million women in the world are currently living with fistulas. This number grows every
   year by up to 50,000 cases.
* Approximately 70 percent of the world’s poor are women and girls; women earn less than 10% of
   the world’s wages but do more than two-thirds of the world’s work.

So yes. This book is about horrific things. It is about rape. It is about sexual slavery. It is about honor killings. It is about female genital mutilation and maternal mortality. It is about economic inequality and the need for more education. But this book is also so much more. In dealing with these heavy issues, it is clear that Kristof and WuDunn spent just as much time on the research as they did thinking about how to present the information and stories that they found.

The result is something truly special. Instead of presenting piles of data and numbers, because, as they say, “even when numbers are persuasive, they are not galvanizing,” the authors take the time to spotlight the lives and experiences of women around the world. To be sure, some of these stories are hard to read. You’ll be introduced to the story of a young Cambodian, Srey Rath, who went to Thailand to work, was forced into prostitution and traded to Malaysia, succeeded in escaping, was imprisoned under Malaysian anti-immigration law and released after a year only to be sold by the police to a trafficker who sold her on to a brothel in Thailand. Heavy? Yes. Important? Also yes.

But it doesn’t stop there. This isn’t just a book about the mistreatment of women and suffering and everything that is wrong with the world. It is a story of hope. It is a story of unbelievable courage, of women who are already working tirelessly to help the women around them.

Remember Srey Rath? Eventually she escaped from her brothel and built a thriving retail business that now supports her family. You’ll learn about an Ethiopian woman with life-threatening maternal injuries that received help just in time and went on to become a surgeon. You’ll hear about a Zimbabwean mother of five who earned her doctorate and became an expert on AIDS. And you’ll also be exposed to important initiatives occurring all across the globe that actively provide help and assistance to women: women like Edna Adan, who invested everything she had into building a hospital in Somaliland – a country with one of the highest maternal and infant mortality rates in the world. And women like Urmi Basu, who founded a school to protect and educate girls in a high-risk red light district in Kolkata, India. These women are the heroes of the book and they are the heart and soul of Kristof and WuDunn’s message.

In the Western world many of the problems discussed in this book can seem so far away. So removed. And they might be. But I challenge you to read this book and walk away without feeling like we as a society, we as the privileged, have a responsibility to do more for our sisters that hold up half the sky.

“The unfortunate reality is that women’s issues are marginalized, and any case of sex trafficking and mass rape should no more be seen as women’s issues than slavery was a black issue or the Holocaust was a Jewish issue. These are all humanitarian concerns, transcending any one race, gender, or creed.”

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I know in reality that many people may not want to read about such horrors. These kind of global issues are somewhat peripheral, and that's comfortable for many people. But for the sake of the women and girls around our globe that often don't have a voice, please read this book, and allow yourself to be moved to action.

To purchase a copy of this most important book go HERE! Best $14 you could possibly spend.


ps) To read more of Leah's writing or to follow her around the world, you can read her travel blogs here and here.

Little Wonders

Without going into the politics of Education QLD (which I am quite passionate about :), In short, If a child turns 5 by June 30, they can attend Prep (first year of school) that year. If their birthday is after June 30, they wait until the following year to start school (which would make the child 5 turning 6 in the first year of school).

If you happen to have a 4 year old turning 5 before June 30, and for reasons other than developmental delays, you think it would be beneficial to send your child to school when they are a little bit older, 5 turning 6, In the public system your child would have to MISS the prep year and go straight into year 1 (crazy! I know).

In contrast, in NSW, if your child turns 5 by July 31, IF they are ready for school you can send them to kindergarten - which is the equivalent of Prep. If as a parent however you feel they are not quite ready for school for ANY reason, you can opt to send them to school the following year - when they are 5 turning 6. As long as they start school by their 6th birthday.

OK this is getting too wordy :)

My point for this little glimpse into the difference between State Education in Australia?

Last year our family was living in NSW. This year we are in QLD and Jasmin, my bright happy 4 year old is directly affected by these 'discrepancies of rules'.

As a parent, after months of thinking/praying/worrying about what the right thing for my girl was, It felt right to wait and send her to school in 2014. When she was 5 turning 6 (do 4 year olds really need to go to school 6 hours a day, 5 days a week?). Have you seen what the kids are learning based on the National Curriculum in Prep now? It is no longer a year of socialisation or a play based curriculum to ease the kids into year 1. It is a foundational year of learning and it is full on (don't ask me how in the world Education QLD think that children can now miss this 'optional' prep year of school?)

It was not easy finding a school that felt right or that would support my decision to 'delay' Jasmin's entry into school (the word 'delay' seems absurd in this sentence, don't you think?), but I managed to find the most amazing school that was happy for me as the parent to decide what was right for my child. Sadly in the public system, this is not an option.

As a result of this, I am now watching this girl of mine thrive in the beautiful Pre-school that she attends a couple of days a week. And I couldn't be more happy that I didn't cave into the pressure I felt to "Just send her to school. She'll be fine. She's ready. You're holding her back".

Sometimes we have to fight for what we think is right for our children. Even if others don't agree with our decisions. Sometimes we have to trust our instinct, and recognise that despite what 'everyone else is doing', we are in fact the experts for our children and know better than anyone else, exactly what they need.

What a gift mother intuition is!

ps) While I don't dispute that some 4 year old children are ready for school and thrive in that environment, I absolutely believe it should be the decision of the parents, based on the individual child and what their needs/capabilities are, NOT by a governing body that oddly seem so out of touch with the fact that NOT all 4 years are ready for school. 

A long time Ago...

A long time ago, back when I was just a young teenager living abroad attending Church College New Zealand, I heard the most incredible song. A song that stirred my soul to its very depths.

It was a song that sung of a Mother and her son. A son who was also the mothers King. Eventually it sings of the mother kneeling by the cross of that very king. 

So on this beautiful Easter Sunday, I share with you the most amazing song {click on the title below}. This is the original artist singing, and I won't lie, it's not quite the same as my Incredibly talented New Zealander friends version :) but it doesn't change the beauty or the significance of the words. 

A Long Time Ago

A long time ago, a mother lay by the side of a tiny King
The wisemen would come, the shepherds kneel,
And the angels in heav'n would sing:
Hosannah! Alleluia! For unto you this night,
A babe is born upon the earth to bring the world His light.

A long time ago, a perfect man walked the shores of Galilee
He taught men of faith, to forgive, to love,
And bade them, 'Come unto me.'
Hosannah! Alleluia! How great were all His days,
For He had come to show to all the strait and narrow way.

A long time ago a mother knelt by the cross of the chosen King
The soldiers were there, men mocked His throne
And the angels wept at the scene.
Hosannah! Alleluia! How much He must have cared
For all our sins He took upon, then hung and suffered there.

And not long ago a mother knelt by the side of her child each night
She taught her to pray, to worship God, and to follow the Saviour's light.
Hosannah! Alleluia! Now when each day is through,
The love I have for Him above, I'll teach my child...to you.

Gethsemane

Golgotha

The Garden Tomb

He is not here. He is Risen!

A piece of my heart

Of all the things we left behind in Sydney. Of all the places and people that we, I, loved dearly. This place holds the biggest piece of my heart. 

'Mother and Child' intertwined. A bond and love that bridges the gap between heaven and earth. 

My first little flower. 

Because I know the spirit of my child and I know the plan God has for us, I know my daughter is not really there. And the closeness I feel to her when we are there, is brought on only by reflection. Deep heart felt reflection as we tell our children the story of her little life that ended as quickly as it began. And we sing the words to 'families are forever' that I cannot finish. 

As I soak in the voices of my family singing what I cannot, I feel of the privilege it is to be a mother and to have given this little spirit the body that she needed for such a short time. 

   

 

But I miss her. And what could have been. And quiet times of meditation take my thoughts to her and connects our spirits that are separated but for a moment.

And while it was important to say goodbye to this place. To our little one whose body resides there. I  know her spirit soars high. And where we go, I have no doubt, that she will go too. 

 

Blink

In an attempt to organise my life more fully, I have been doing the time consuming task of sorting photos from the last couple of years (there are a lot of them!) In doing so, I came across this photo that stopped me in my tracks (and melted my heart, just a little). 

When I look at this picture, I am so grateful that I have this brief snapshot of this moment shared with my girls. 

I look back and I yearn for that chubby baby lying so still in bed next to me. And it was only 2 years ago! Can you imagine how it must feel when it's been even longer? When there are no little people around?

I often hear older, more experienced mothers say, 'One day you will look back on this time and miss it. Desperately! Even the terrible twos. It's hard to remember what they're like when they're little'! When I hear remarks like this, I think, 'I won't forget these days'. How could I? And Chad has expressed similar sentiments!

But just last week we were watching family videos of Rylan and Zahn when they were young and I could hardly remember those little boys that filled my life with such joy! I wanted so desperately to reach into that screen in front of me and lift those precious babies out into my present world and hold onto them as tightly as I could! To kiss their faces and chase them up the hallway. Just one more time.

But that time is gone. 

And just like that nostalgic song says, "It happened in a blink".

How I am trying to savor and record the things that happen around me. The things that melt my heart and send my spirit souring as I raise these children of mine. Little ones that will spend the majority of their lives as adults. And here I am with the privilege of spending these few short years of their childhood with them.

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure that you are.”  Mary Jean Irion

Now If I can just figure out how to live presently all the time, It won't really matter if I don't remember every detail of every day. Because I will know that regardless of vivid memories or not. I was there. Really there. Living with my babies and showing them that above all else, they are what mattered to me. 

Omi.

Grief. It affects people in all different ways. Sometimes we express it through tears that seem like they may never stop. Other times it's somber. A quiet waiting. Often it's a combination of both, coming in waves. We cry. We stop. We wait. Wait for time to lessen the sadness and hurt that we feel.

Late last week our world lost a remarkable woman. A woman so full of life and love it was palpable in her presence. Chad's Oma. My Oma. Our Omi.
 

My heart is heavy and tears flow. I know it's not the end, but the separation hurts. I selfishly keep thinking, 3 weeks. We would have been with her in 3 weeks.

But she fought a good fight and it was time for her to go home. Time for her body to be free of pain and time for her to be reunited with loved ones passed before her.

 "In a beautiful blue lagoon on a clear day, a fine ship

spreads its brilliant white canvas in the fresh morning 

breeze and sails out to the open sea. We watch her

glide away magnificently through the deep blue ocean

and gradually see her grow smaller as she nears the 

horizon. Finally, where the sea and sky meet, she slips

silently from sight; and someone near me says

"there, she is gone". Gone where? Gone from sight

 - that is all. 

She is still as large in mast and hull and sail, still

just as able to bear her load, and we can be sure that,

just as we say, "There she is gone!"

Another says, "Here she comes!"

I can only imagine her reunion with loved ones long past. I imagine her greeting them with vigour and have no doubt that whomever she is with, she is singing. Her great matriarchal voice calling to all, she is home.

"Life is eternal and love is immortal; and death is only an horizon,

and an horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight"

In the words of one of my favourite hymns, "God be with you till we meet again" Omi. Please give my baby girl a kiss from me and sing her my favourite lullaby. The lullaby you have sung and rocked all my babies to. We love you deeply and will miss you in every way!

The beautiful photo taken by Alana!

 

Age of Accountability!

A couple of months ago I was talking to Zahn about his upcoming baptism and he very earnestly said to me, 'I just don't think I'm ready to get baptised mum'. While his comment surprised me, I tried to be somewhat casual about it, while still acknowledging his feelings, and told him "everything will be fine son"!!

I was hoping the comment may have been a one off, but as we drew closer to his birthday and his baptism date, this trepidation he felt only increased. After a few heartfelt discussions with Zahn, Chad and I decided that if he really didn't feel ready, we would wait. But in the mean time, we would continue to make preparations, and do our best to help him feel ready.

We had organised for the missionaries to come and teach the discussions with him and hoped that this would help ease his troubled little heart. After the first discussion, I was lying in bed with Zahn saying goodnight, and again, he said so earnestly, "I just don't feel ready. I don't understand everything so how can I get baptised?". This was a sweet opportunity to share my feelings with him and to let him know that even as an adult, I don't always understand everything. I tried to explain on his level, that as we try our best to stay on the path that Heavenly Father has set for us, we begin to understand, step by step of the journey.  

While I tried not to worry and kept reminding myself that things always work out in the end (they really do), my heart did worry. 

We continued the discussions with the missionaries, and tried to clarify anything Zahn had questions about.

One night we were talking and he got a bit upset......again we shared special words and I reassured him that the decision was his and dad and I were there to support him, and help him make the right choice.

When Zahn had his 8 year old interview with the Bishop, I went in with him, and without knowing any of the concerns Zahn had been having, the words the Bishop shared were almost the same words I had previously shared with Zahn the night we lay in bed and chatted about his baptism. The Bishop talked about how we don't always understand everything, but as we are obedient and as we do the things Heavenly Father asks us to do, we are blessed and above all, we are happy.

From this moment, everything changed. Suddenly Zahn was saying he felt ready, and he was getting more and more excited.

The day before his birthday, he said to me: 'I just wish today was tomorrow so I could get baptised now'.

The baptism was a beautiful service filled with words from loving grandparents that shared things with Zahn that will help him on his journey of life. In fact, the words shared could not have been more suitable for him. As I watched him enter the font with Chad, and as he smiled up at all the people watching, the smile on his face told me, without doubt, he was ready!

How grateful I am for a knowledge of the truth and for the privilege it is to watch as my children also come to a knowledge of this truth.

Sunday 30th September, 2012. A beautiful day that we will not forget.

Time Out for Women

There is something so inspiring about being in a room filled with almost 2000 women.Women gathered together from all around Australia for the same reason. The purpose and desire 'To become'. I doubt I was alone in feeling the power and significance of this day and the influence that would leave that room.

I especially loved being there with my mum and a few of my sisters. I know I say this often, but I really love being in a family full of sisters. I loved sharing this experience with them and discussing the things that resonated with each of us, and talking about the new ways in which we each hope to 'become'. 

A few of my favourite things #1

Laurel Christenson your story was for me!

Laurel shared with us her journey that began about a year ago when she started preparing to run a half marathon. She told us about a "treading class" she was in, where she was doing high intensity interval training on a treadmill. While she told her story in a really funny way, the message was actually about not holding ourselves back with all the excuses we make about why we can't do things. It was a message about not stopping ourselves from achieving things with self doubt.  

At the point when Laurel was about to quit running and get off the treadmill, her trainer realised what was happening and came over to her and said (think Jillian style trainer from biggest looser ;)....

"Don't you dare stop. You can do this".

Laurel insisted that she couldn't and said she had to stop.


The trainer then jumped up on the front of the treadmill and said;

"Don't you dare be the one thing standing in your way"!!!!



I don't know how these words could not have impacted every woman in that room. As I heard them, It was like I was watching my own 'self set limitations' flash before my eyes in slow motion.

With the encouragement of her trainer and her own self will, Laurel went on to finish her interval training that day and 6 months later (or so ;) ran her first half marathon. 


In Laurels own words she said;

"When I stepped off that treadmill, I had the "ah ha” moment of my life.
I realized I simply was not who I thought I was.
I walked into that class with limits on my abilities and ideas about what my life was supposed to be........I walked out of that class knowing I could never be the same again".

"I became the girl who does the thing I thought I could not do.
And that is who I am now".

As I later re-told this story to Rylan, I had another 'ah ha' moment myself. I realised the importance of the trainer in her story. It's not just about believing in our selves and not standing in our own way. It's about listening to and believing the trainer when he says "you can do it - I will help you". It's about recognising that the ultimate 'trainer' is our Savior. Our biggest advocate and the one who never gives up on us even when we threaten to give up ourselves.


I came away from Time Out For Women feeling lifted and inspired to not just DO more but to {try} and BE more!


You can read Laurel's full story here and I absolutely recommend it!! 


More favorite things to come tomorrow. maybe :)

The holder of the bow

 "Children take their flight into the future with our thrust and with our aim". 

"Even as we anxiously watch that arrow in flight and know all that can deflect its course.......we take courage in remembering that the most important factor in determining that arrow's destination will be the stability, strength, and unwavering certainty of the holder of the bow".

Jeffrey R. Holland

"Created for Greater Things"

Organising or Nurturing?

"So many parents today have become better at organising their kids than at nurturing them. Organising is something we do with our brains. It's about finishing homework and getting to soccer or music lessons on time....."

"But with all our organising, have we done enough nurturing? Nurturing is something we do with our hearts as well as our heads. It's about adding the hug to the schedule, the praise to the push, the warmth to the light. It's about noticing who they already are as we help them toward what they can become."

"The worst parenting metaphor we've ever heard goes something like this: "The child is the lump of clay, and the parent is the sculptor." 

"A vastly better analogy is that of a seedling. The tiny green shoots in the greenhouse nursery may all look alike, yet one is an oak, one a pine, one an apple tree. We don't mold them, we nurture them, discovering who they are, learning what they need, providing the individually appropriate amounts of water, sunshine, and fertiliser to help them grow into the best of what they already are."

Except from "The Book of Nurturing, 9 Natural Laws for Enriching Your Family Life"

 by Linda and Richard Eyre

While I've never considered myself a person with a green thumb (just ask the grass in our backyard that WAS lucious and green a few months ago ;), I am slowly working out what these little 'seeds' of mine need. Individually.

I hope as the seasons begin to change, I will continue to learn and know exactly how I can help them bloom where they are planted!

guilty

oh my.

I am guilty of THIS.

I have been asked the very question, "are you listening to me? Is the computer more important than me?" (please tell me it has happened to you too...... :)

My answer was "Of course not". But 'words are cheap and actions are priceless'.

After reading these words tonight, I vow to not let it happen again (OK - I will try my best to not let it happen again ;). Because the people in this picture (oh how I love their little faces :) are the 'things that matter most'!. 

Before the morning

There are some moments in life that nothing can really prepare you for. Some phone calls that come so unexpectedly and can knock the wind out of you so fast, changing everything in your life in an instant. 

A couple of weeks ago my sister and her husband received a call like this. My Brother in Laws mother, Kay, unexpectedly, without warning passed away. She was family to us and my heart is heavy for those that loved her and those that now miss her.
 
Silent tears flowed as I stood in my kitchen holding the phone looking at the 'thank you' chocolates I had for her that had not yet been delivered. Tears at the realisation that it was too late. Not forever I know. But too late for now. Tears for my brother in law and his siblings. Tears for her husband. Tears for my sister and her sons. Tears for all the unsaid things, and unsaid goodbyes.

When heartbreak like this happens, isn't it true that we resolve to ourselves we are going to make things 'different' from now on. Live life to the fullest, no regrets. Savor every moment. Not waste time on unimportant things because we just never know when this part of the journey could end. But then life keeps moving like a wheel in motion and we, I, slip back into the flow of it. I forget for a while that life is precious and can be taken away at any moment. Sometimes I let things that don't matter, matter.

This time, I'm hoping to hang on to this 'realisation of life' a bit longer and really make things count. 

These words appropriately filled my car that afternoon as I drove home from seeing the 'children' who had just lost their mother..........

"It is but a small moment and this time on earth will pass and we will once again be reunited with those we love that have passed before us"

To my sister and her family. My family. We love you and we pray for you.

 

Reflections and bloggy guilt

While sorting through some pictures of Lily the other day,

I came across this picture of myself in the reflection of the TV cabinet.

Yes. This is how most of my photos are taken. With pictured toddler climbing all over me :)....and the reason for {most} of my blurry pictures ;).

As I laughed at the sight of 'us' and the memory of all the cajoling that went on to keep Jasmin out of the photos, I thought about how sometimes it can be easy to feel frustrated if I try and do 'some things' with little ones around.

But as I've learned and learned and re-learned many times, sometimes it's just easier to put 'those things' aside until later (unless of course it's photographing your baby who is growing by the minute and you don't want to forget one second of it :)

Currently I feel like blogging is one of 'those things'. And while I have 'EXTREME-lack-of-posting-guilt' (oh how it eats me up....do you ever get blog guilt???) I realise that sometimes my retrospective photos thoughts will have to wait. I just hope I don't forget them all before they make it on here :)

{Luckily I take about 2000 photos a month, so If I do happen to forget somethings, hopefully my photos will be enough to jog my memory :}

Faces of a 2 year old

 

Sometimes all I need do is see a picture like this, and I am reminded of how sweet this girl is. Despite her messy 'working in the backyard' hair, and garden dirt on her nose, I see such innocence in her 2 year old face. I see her kind loving heart that she showers on us and moments filled with whimsical laughter and tender kisses.

I could now show some other pictures like THESE ones (the not so happy ones) and talk about the other faces Jasmin shows, but, that's not what this is really about so I won't :)

I recently read a blog post called 'sweet and sour'. It was essentially a mother talking about the extreme behaviours of her child. Sweetest of the sweet, and the "I can't believe you just did that" sour.

It resonated so deeply with me. So often I am amazed at the loveliness of my girl. I watch her and my heart swells with happiness. Other times I feel so frustrated and can do nothing but take lots of deep breaths and remind myself to "keep calm and carry on" (every mothers mantra.....no? :)

It would be easy to say we love our children because they are 'sweet, lovely, innocent, well behaved, 'the perfect child' etc. But that just wouldn't be true. Not for me anyway. While certain behaviours (especially the sweet ones) make some aspects of life easier, that's not the reason why we love our kids. It's not the reason why I love my kids. I love them because they're mine. Because I am their mother. That wonderful relationship that allows such unconditional love, even in the sour moments.

As I sit here looking at Jasmin's little face now (oh how I ADORE this picture), all I see is the extreme sweet side. the "thank you VERY much mummy for my drink" said so angelically it makes my heart burst, and the "you're the best in the world mummy" comments, or the memory of watching her share everything she has in her lunchbox with a little friend at church.

In the words of a woman who is inspiring mothers everywhere, I remind myself that, "this 'two' shall pass". Jasmin won't always be in the middle of the terrible (sometimes-I-cry-all-day) two's. Yesterday was a testament of that. It was a delightful day of no tantrums, no shouting and no crying. She was just happy. It was a lovely reminder that as this little girl grows older, some things will change.  Funnily enough, as I think about that change, I have such mixed emotions. While I like the thought of having less crying in my days (from her that is :) It's sad to think that she won't always be 2, because it's such a CUTE funny age.

I'm so grateful I was able to capture this look on Jasmin's face to remind me of the beautiful little spirit she is and the innocence that is possessed by a 2 year old.

Tragedy and Triumph

It's unbelievable to think that just over a week ago we were happily holidaying in QLD having a wonderful time with family and now some of that family are picking up the pieces of a home that was almost flooded to the roof. Most of what they own completely destroyed. 

Aside from the personal stories of those we know and love, many other stories have emerged that rip at the very center of humanity. My heart breaks at the thought of what so many people are currently facing. As a mother though, it is the pictures like the one below that are enough to bring me to tears. 

Can you even imagine? Being separated from your baby in what has been described as an inland Tsunami. The greatest natural dissaster to ever hit Queensland, and possibly even our nation? I really can't comprehend the fear of those that were in circumstances like this.

Just like in a real war zone, as the storm begins to somewhat calm, the aftermath produces the reality of just how much devastation has occurred. The unbelievable clean up that lies ahead for three quarters of an entire state. Tragedy for the people left behind to pick up the pieces of their lives that have literally been washed away. And whilst many will eventually recover and move forward with only loss of possessions, others have not been so lucky. 

But like many tragedies, despite the loss, human spirit soars high. Strangers become friends as they give up their time and money to fix that which has been broken. My sister-in-law whose house was flooded told me tonight that something like 30 people showed up at their home today in an effort to help. She told me of a man opening his wallet after hearing their story and offering, no insisting, they take money.

As I continue to watch the news footage, while it's unbelievably shocking and distressing, It is the lines of volunteers that make me teary now. The hero's coming forward for no other reason than to help. Charity and humanity at its finest. 

It's going to take weeks, months and even years for people to get their lives back in order after a disaster such as this. I think when that time comes, when communities are finally renewed, and people look back on the events of January 2011, the heroism and human spirit being shown will be an integral part of that memory.

***Don't forget to head over to MAKE IT PERFECT and check out all the FANTASTIC items that are being auctioned off to raise money for the flood victims***

That time

Of the 3 shifts that make up our day, morning, afternoon and night, I am once again reminded just how important the afternoon shift is. You know that crazy time from about 3:30pm till about 7pm? (If you're a parent, I KNOW you know this time ;)

The crossroads of the day. The time that everyone is returning home and coming together after being apart for the day.

The time that babies are waking up, toddlers are getting cranky, kids are coming home from school. Those hours when everyone seems extra tired, sibling rivalry is at its peak and everyone is quote "starving to death" (seriously If Zahn doesn't get food into his little body asap after school, a meltdown is imminent :)

This is the time that REALLY counts. The time I can't afford to be distracted with 'stuff'. The time I need to be on top of things, because if I'm not, these important hours may not be what they NEED to be.

 

It's the time for listening and REALLY hearing what went on in the day of our kids. Who did what to who and who said what to so and so and who......ok you get the idea. It's the time for hearing things that are important in the minds of our little ones.

The time for reassuring our kids that they are safe and loved in our homes. It's the time for regrouping and catching up after being away from each other. A time to play and laugh and sit together during homework and time to just be together.

When things are organised (and I'm not distracted) this time is what it should be. When things are not organised (and I am distracted)......I think we all know what happens during "those hours" :)

All it took was 1 night out of the last 5 to remind me of this critical time and exactly what it needs to be.

Missing

You know how you hear people say "oh I kept getting the feeling that 'someone' was missing from our family and that's how I knew I had to have another baby'. Well the last few weeks I have been getting this feeling ALL THE TIME. Infact almost daily.

Everytime I turn around, I think where's ??? and then I realise that all the kids are with me and no-one is missing. When we're 'loading up the car' I get the same feeling. When we're out in the yard. When we're sitting down to eat. When we're watching something together. OK you get the idea. It's all the time.

The other week I was at the shops with my sister and our kids. My 4 kids + her 4 kids.  Yes apparently we are quite the spectacle. (Luckily they were all well behaved. Can you imagine the people looking at us if we had 8 kids running a muck :) And even with all those 'little people' gathered around us as we walked, I STILL had that feeling that someone was missing and I had to keep checking. And this feeling is not just a little thought. It's a 'OH NO where's ??? flicker of panic that ??? could be lost kind of feeling.

After I had Lily, We had said, yeah maybe we're good with 4 babies. 2 boys, 2 girls. Perfect. (and at 2 am in the morning crying in pain while feeding (true story.....ahhh wince at the memory) I had thought - yeah I am DEFINITELY good with 4. Even the thought of being pregnant again makes me feel tired and especially the thought of the first 3 weeks of feeding.

But I can't shake this feeling. Maybe that's why Lily is SUCH a good baby. To help me forget my feeding woes and once again open me up to the possibility of having 'more'. Not necessarily now, but one day.

For now though, I am content with my four and so enjoying the loveliness that is Lily. Jazzy on the other hand, oh my. I love that girl to PIECES but. what can I say. It's been a while since I've had a 2 year old and my my my how the drama of this girl is unfolding. hahaha. luckily I love her sweet-chubbiness to death otherwise we would be in trouble :)

and now I'm looking at her cute little face in this picture and I am putty in her hands........hahaha ;)

5 year old style

This is what Zahn wore to school yesterday........

I won't lie. There was a time that I would NOT have let him wear this little ensemble to school (the photo REALLY doesn't do it  justice - it looks quite hilarious). Especially since it's too small in all the wrong places (think one-piece people), it's the fluro-est green you've ever seen, and it doesn't even reach his ankles (I at least made him change his bright red stripy socks he tried to wear with it :) Oh, and it's spandex. Nice ;)

But how can I deny such an innocent happy face. And he really is both of those things. Innocent and happy.

I was sitting in the car laughing so much as I watched him dance his way to the school gate thrilled with his 'Pirate Skeleton' costume (with Michael Jackson socks exposed) for his kindergarten 'sound day'. It made me laugh even harder when I saw other parents walk past, look at his outfit and start smiling (you know the smirking kind of smile that says, 'wow that's some outfit'. Then one of the mums I know saw me and as our eyes met she gave me a knowing chuckle like, '"yeah I know what it's like to send your kids out in public when they dress themselves"......

One day he will look back on the pictures I took and ask WHY? WHY? Just like I do when I see pictures of my 5 year old self with the biggest fringe imaginable and bright blue corduroy pants (love you mum :)

As I drove home I thought about all the things I learn from my kids. Like how something as simple as letting them choose their own outfits not only 'keeps the peace in our home' but also gives them confidence in the decisions they make. They help me to realise that it's more important to give THEM the 'power to choose' rather than make all their decisions for them. Even if it's not what I would choose.

They help me to appreciate individuality and to recognise what is most important.

And my son going to school feeling happy and good about himself is way up there on my list of important things!!