Omi.

Grief. It affects people in all different ways. Sometimes we express it through tears that seem like they may never stop. Other times it's somber. A quiet waiting. Often it's a combination of both, coming in waves. We cry. We stop. We wait. Wait for time to lessen the sadness and hurt that we feel.

Late last week our world lost a remarkable woman. A woman so full of life and love it was palpable in her presence. Chad's Oma. My Oma. Our Omi.
 

My heart is heavy and tears flow. I know it's not the end, but the separation hurts. I selfishly keep thinking, 3 weeks. We would have been with her in 3 weeks.

But she fought a good fight and it was time for her to go home. Time for her body to be free of pain and time for her to be reunited with loved ones passed before her.

 "In a beautiful blue lagoon on a clear day, a fine ship

spreads its brilliant white canvas in the fresh morning 

breeze and sails out to the open sea. We watch her

glide away magnificently through the deep blue ocean

and gradually see her grow smaller as she nears the 

horizon. Finally, where the sea and sky meet, she slips

silently from sight; and someone near me says

"there, she is gone". Gone where? Gone from sight

 - that is all. 

She is still as large in mast and hull and sail, still

just as able to bear her load, and we can be sure that,

just as we say, "There she is gone!"

Another says, "Here she comes!"

I can only imagine her reunion with loved ones long past. I imagine her greeting them with vigour and have no doubt that whomever she is with, she is singing. Her great matriarchal voice calling to all, she is home.

"Life is eternal and love is immortal; and death is only an horizon,

and an horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight"

In the words of one of my favourite hymns, "God be with you till we meet again" Omi. Please give my baby girl a kiss from me and sing her my favourite lullaby. The lullaby you have sung and rocked all my babies to. We love you deeply and will miss you in every way!

The beautiful photo taken by Alana!

 

Little Sisters

Being one of seven girls in my family, the idea of having more than one daughter of my own, a little pair of sisters if you will, always made me feel incredibly excited.

After being raised in a household with that many girls, and going to boarding school and living with 100ish other girls for 2 years, I was under no illusion that having 'young ladies' is always a walk in the park :) or that my girls would always get along. 

But still, I imagined beautiful harmony with two sisters that would love each other more than anything else in the world. They would be best friends from the very beginning of their little lives..........

hahahaha! I can't help but laugh a little at this. Especially because I already knew. I knew that while my sisters and I are now the very best of friends, it wasn't always so growing up. And while I know my own daughters also love each other, there's not always perfect harmony between these two head strong girls of mine :)

As they both grow, I am pleasantly seeing small changes. There is more understanding and communication between them and the stretches of happy play are extended. There is more laughing and playing, and less hair pulling and crying ;). When I see them wrapped up in a world of "you're the mummy and I'm the baby" and I see them playing happily together, I could quite easily sing out loud, "la la la la laaaa". Actually sometimes I do, and it makes them laugh!

The picture below is something I see quite regularly. The two of them wondering around the house, and when Lily can't quite reach something she wants, Jasmin jumps down and tells her to stand on her back :)  Yes, my baby who is only an inch shorter than her big sister, and who weighs the same amount, uses her big sister as a stool.

It is a pleasure to watch these little sisters in cahoots with each other!

Sunday Morning

Not every Sunday morning involves these things, but I am trying to consistently bring a little more music and nature into the hours we spend father-less at home on the Sabbath morn. There is a such a lovely feeling when these things are present.

 Music. Nature and Family walks. How I hope these things matter to my children!!

Age of Accountability!

A couple of months ago I was talking to Zahn about his upcoming baptism and he very earnestly said to me, 'I just don't think I'm ready to get baptised mum'. While his comment surprised me, I tried to be somewhat casual about it, while still acknowledging his feelings, and told him "everything will be fine son"!!

I was hoping the comment may have been a one off, but as we drew closer to his birthday and his baptism date, this trepidation he felt only increased. After a few heartfelt discussions with Zahn, Chad and I decided that if he really didn't feel ready, we would wait. But in the mean time, we would continue to make preparations, and do our best to help him feel ready.

We had organised for the missionaries to come and teach the discussions with him and hoped that this would help ease his troubled little heart. After the first discussion, I was lying in bed with Zahn saying goodnight, and again, he said so earnestly, "I just don't feel ready. I don't understand everything so how can I get baptised?". This was a sweet opportunity to share my feelings with him and to let him know that even as an adult, I don't always understand everything. I tried to explain on his level, that as we try our best to stay on the path that Heavenly Father has set for us, we begin to understand, step by step of the journey.  

While I tried not to worry and kept reminding myself that things always work out in the end (they really do), my heart did worry. 

We continued the discussions with the missionaries, and tried to clarify anything Zahn had questions about.

One night we were talking and he got a bit upset......again we shared special words and I reassured him that the decision was his and dad and I were there to support him, and help him make the right choice.

When Zahn had his 8 year old interview with the Bishop, I went in with him, and without knowing any of the concerns Zahn had been having, the words the Bishop shared were almost the same words I had previously shared with Zahn the night we lay in bed and chatted about his baptism. The Bishop talked about how we don't always understand everything, but as we are obedient and as we do the things Heavenly Father asks us to do, we are blessed and above all, we are happy.

From this moment, everything changed. Suddenly Zahn was saying he felt ready, and he was getting more and more excited.

The day before his birthday, he said to me: 'I just wish today was tomorrow so I could get baptised now'.

The baptism was a beautiful service filled with words from loving grandparents that shared things with Zahn that will help him on his journey of life. In fact, the words shared could not have been more suitable for him. As I watched him enter the font with Chad, and as he smiled up at all the people watching, the smile on his face told me, without doubt, he was ready!

How grateful I am for a knowledge of the truth and for the privilege it is to watch as my children also come to a knowledge of this truth.

Sunday 30th September, 2012. A beautiful day that we will not forget.

Stillness

Raising my girls is proving to be really quite different than raising my boys, and I'm not talking about the ever present drama of little ladies (that is a whole post all of its own :). When my boys were young, I didn't know what facebook was, I had no idea what a blog was, and I probably used the internet a couple of times a week, and never during the day. I woke up to boys happy little faces, had leisurely breakfasts, went on long walks, played a lot (oh the glory of a pokemon battle :), watched playschool if we were home and then turned the tv off at 10am - the time ABC kids finished. While I still do these things with my girls, my reflection of the early years of motherhood just seems so much simpler than life in general now.

I know it's not just me that recognises this busyness of life. Everywhere I turn I hear people talking about the desire to slow down. To be still. To make the days count. To cut unimportant things out of their lives! To somehow find balance, to be present and soak in the little moments, and fill our lives with purpose and meaning.

Last week I saw pictures of a friends amazing holiday to Thailand and Bali and read that her #1 Bali inspired goal is to delete her facebook page. And I thought, I need want a holiday to Bali so I can have this ephiphany too :). But as much as I'd love an exotic holiday, I know I don't actually need Bali to carve out time to reflect on what I need to cut out of my life to make it less 'busy'. Less Cluttered. More Still.

So even though the motion of life is swirling around me (at record speed somedays :) I am consciously trying to go back to the simpler days of motherhood. I am allowing distraction to be minimal and putting my focus on one thing. Or really, putting my focus on 4 little things......which are the most important things!

Two!

My baby turned 2!!

The best part of her day: getting a helium balloon, a new matching necklace and bracelet and riding her bike around the shops! All her dreams coming true at once! 

Cruising around and waving at everyone she saw, she looked like she owned the world! And for those 20 minutes or so, she did!

Happy birthday my little pixie girl! I love you.

Day 8 - "The baker"

The official bread maker in the family.....

Or, 'the baker' as I like to call him (which of course only encourages him to make even more yummy loaves of bread ;)

He has officially now made more loaves of bread than I have (I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not :) 

On Sunday he made a loaf for lunch and decided to experiment a little with custard powder instead of milk powder. It turned out to be a delicious sweet bread that we smothered in butter and jam and devoured between the six of us!!! 

Day 7 - Easter bits and pieces

Delicious cupcakes made and shared with lovely neighbours.....

Good Friday visit to the temple {my favourite Easter tradition}! I LOVE this more every year!!!

Traditional Easter egg painting - and yes, Chad is painting a circle here not an egg :) For some reason the rest of Sydney decided to buy all of the foam eggs before I could make our purchases this year, so it was either circles, or real eggs. We went with the circles which worked out perfect for Chads art :)

As for the kids, they didn't even really notice :)

Some members of the family prefer to paint minus half their clothes. It does make the clean up much easier........

......especially for a little girl that after about 10 minutes, had paint everywhere :)

We had our annual last supper (which reminded me of our trip to the middle east. sigh :)

We spent Easter Saturday picnic-ing, apple picking and photo snapping with family. It was a beautiful day of perfect weather!

I lost count of how many apples Lily ate while the rest of us picked :)

Jasmin attempting to get the nicer apples that were a little higher :) her squeals of delight were like music to my ears!

My babies have no idea how lucky they are that this man is their dad!!

 My double digits boy who is growing much too fast

and delicious food made with said picked apples!!

The Easter bunny visited our back yard, and as a result, Jasmin has prayed for him everyday since. He must be a very blessed bunny by now :)

Oh and we started renovating......

But much more about that later!!!!

Day 6 - Gratitude

While I am thankful everyday for happy healthy children, some days my heart is extra full! 

This was one of those days!! 

{After months of headaches that lead to vomiting for our girl, we were given a referral to have a CT scan to rule out anything 'serious'. When I called the hospital to make the appointment, the doctor informed me that 3 year olds had to be put to sleep for a CT scan. After going back and forth for a while, I convinced the Dr to let us at least try the scan awake first. He told me I was wasting our time, but I assured him, Jasmin wouldn't move. And she didn't! Not one bit!!! She was a brave girl and I was a proud mumma!!! 

Day 5 - No longer a baby

It blows me away that my littlest girl is about to turn two. I know they say, 'terrible two's', but you better believe Lily is already riding that wave of toddler-hood in full swing and I am spinning along with her for the ride :)!!!!!

Suddenly my baby (who hasn't really been a baby for a long time :) is all grown up and now looks like this........

Photo taken by my awesome sister'n'law Alana

When just yesterday she looked like this.......

 

Don't ask me where the time goes but the words "the days roll into one" take on a whole new meaning as I watch my babies grow before my eyes!!

So......the things this almost 2 year old does....... 

She makes her own toast almost every day. She gets her stool, which I have appropriately named the 'mischief stool' (because she gets into all kinds of mischief with its aid "), gets the bread, puts it in the toaster and presses the leaver down. 

She likes to pick her own clothes (yes. she does. she not even two. oh dear :).

She likes to help clean things up and insists on putting her clothes away once I've folded them. 

She goes to bed like a champion and sleeps 12hrs a night, and almost never wakes up during the night! wahoo!

She likes to escape from the house (and would run anywhere she could if she had the chance. This has happened once. While I was in the bathroom. Luckily I heard the door and caught her on approach to our neighbors yard. I now lock the door with a key :).

She has taken over Jasmin's job and puts the dishwasher on everyday. It is her favourite 'job'. She gets the tablet, rips the packet off, puts it where it needs to go, presses all the right buttons, and proudly slams the door shut.

She puts away the cutlery once the dishwasher is finished. I try to help but she gets mad. All the while her big sister (who is meant to do the cutlery) has a party that once again she doesn't have to do it :)

She is fiercely independent!

She likes to brush her own teeth and I can't remember the last time I was allowed to help her eat her food.

She likes to strip and run around in the nude. She also likes to take off her nappy and clean herself as soon as there is a 'need'. eeeekkk :)! I usually find her in the middle of this process (as in, as soon as I hear that nappy tab rip I am running to wherever she is :) As a result, she now wears a funky pink leotard over her nappy and shirt at all times (read: she can't take it off and so her nappy stays put :). She even wears it to bed. It was either that or duct tape :)

She is learning to love books like her siblings.

She is currently a daddy's girl. He said it would happen and he was right. She was however my only baby that was clingly to me for any period of time and I won't lie, I liked that she 'favoured' me even if it was only short lived :)

Sometimes when she's in trouble she runs to her brothers and they scoop her up and tell her it's OK, pat her back and rub her little head. It melts my heart just a little bit. Tonight after she fried Chad's phone in the microwave (yes she did! it took about 5 seconds for us to turn around and stop the microwave, but it was too late) She ran to her sister who embraced her and told her over and over again "don't worry" while she patted her back!! I secretly loved it......but didn't share that with Chad who was obviously thrilled about loosing his phone ;)

Up until the last few weeks she was not interested in watching the TV (or sitting still) at all - which I thought was a good thing :) But last night, she sat on my lap and cuddled up for at least half an hour and watched 'Annie' for our family movie night. I loved having her soft, still body curved into mine for so long.

She is an animal LOVER! It cracks me up that when she sees dogs, she waves at them while running towards them like they're old friends! She also has NO fear and would approach any dog if it meant she could pat them!

She loves being outside and likes to go for walks! She brings her shoes to me usually once a day and says 'wawk wawk'!   

She is of course a park lover! 

She kind of has 'time out' a lot :) It does seem to help with some things.......other things not so much :) we're hoping that consistency wins out in the end :)

She is loved and adored by us all (especially one red headed brother who often tells me how much he loves her and how he wishes we had 10 toddlers just like her.........eeeeekkkkkk. haha)!

Even though she is 'no longer a baby', she is still our baby and we love her to bits! Yes, even the trying moments that toddler-hood is throwing at us!! I'm trying to appreciate everything for what it is and not wish these 'baby' days away, because before I know it, she will be having another birthday and will be growing even taller and I will yearn to have these days back!!